Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
