you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
