hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
