after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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