I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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