chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
