By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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