Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
