I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
