I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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