i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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