he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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