hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
