My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
