Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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