i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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