oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
