OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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