I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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