just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
