No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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