I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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