chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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