mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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