he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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