I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
