It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found puke in my bra..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
