All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
