I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
