were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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