Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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