im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
