i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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