i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
