You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
