just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
