This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
