Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
