My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
People in love make me want to vomit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
