in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize