I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
