Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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