That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
