i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
