i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize