I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
