i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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