My sheets look like a crime scene.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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