dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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