Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
