Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
