Is it normal to miss your booty call?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
