Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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