Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
