I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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