How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He has the fingertips of a God
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