Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
