He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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