I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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