It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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