Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
