maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
