A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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