The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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