Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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