Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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