He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
