Are we in a gay sports bar?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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