So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
