The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
