He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
