So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Terrible idea I love it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
