Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
