I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
