I think my fart just growled at me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
